Tuesday, March 29, 2011

What a Beautiful Mess

Oh. Life. 
Did you ever have a time in your life where really great things and really bad things happen all at the same time, leaving you extremely confused and happy and sad and confused and scared and confused?? "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." I feel like I can see God working in everything happening around me, but I'm still not sure where it will all lead. 

It was the worst of times: a dear lady in my church passed away yesterday. She had been ill for so long, suffering more than I've ever seen anyone else suffer. I hated seeing her on her deathbed, her body struggling against the pulling away of her soul. I hate death. But knowing that she is no longer in pain, no longer struggling against the ways of this world, is such a comfort. She was at peace with leaving; she knew where she was going. She has finished the course and is at rest, but we are left behind to toil on. My thoughts grow heavy, and I only pray I will leave this earth with the same strength that this godly woman had. 

It was the best of times: the past couple of years, God has taught me some difficult lessons. I struggled against learning them with all that I had. Nothing went according to plan... at least, not according to my plan. But through that dark cloud of tears and the veiling of God's will, I finally feel like I am coming through. Like I finally understand that God does know what He's doing. That I'm not forgotten. 

None of this has anything to do with "paradise" or "Hawaii" really, but it's just what's been on my heart. I've always said that paradise isn't what it appears to be. Life continues on in its endless cycles just like it does on the mainland. It is beautiful, it is messy. And I sing praises that I don't have to control it all. 

Among all this, I am without my own computer. After two years of faithful service and two years of unreliable constitution, my pc has died for the last time. I ordered a new computer today, but until it arrives, please have patience with my scattered writings as I am using someone else's Mac in the mean time. 



  1. So she has is gone. I'm sorry, dear! What extremes to grapple with right now. Someone dearly loved leaving the messy paradise for the paradise that isn't messy... but in the process you miss her and think about why death happens. I'll be praying for all who knew her, that God would draw you all to Himself and teach you about His love during this time.
    And the good things that come are blessings from Him and I'm glad there's a widening glimmer of happiness right now as you see the reason behind the messiness of the past couple years. :)
    Love you!

  2. Hi Annie, thank you for your comments and prayers :) It has been really crazy lately, but I know God knows and is in control. Life is messy, isn't it? Love you too!


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